No Alternative to Steroids

So last night, when I was trying to fall asleep, I was flipping through the channels. And I happened to come across an informercial for a new boxed set of cds, being pitched by the lead singer from noted shitty 90s band Sugar Ray (you might remember them from such terrible songs as that one about wanting to fly [but not the terrible R Kelly song about wanting to fly] and that one about "every morning there's a something around something" I don't really remember the lyrics to it, but I do remember a not funny Jimmy Fallon parody of it on Weekend Update). The set was being billed as a collection of the best "alternative" songs of the 90s and early 2000s. As you might guess, I took quite a bit of umbrage with the selections being presented. The quality of the songs varied from pretty good songs that most of us wouldn't classify as "alternative" such as Sublime and "Monster" era R.E.M. to insipid one-hit-wonder acts like Fastball. However, the closest to alternative that I noticed was Britpop (Oasis's "Live Forever'" and Blur's "Song 2) and Hole. Granted, defining alternative is problematic (is it just music in the style of 80s "College Rock" like Sonic Youth or the Replacements? Is it stuff inspired by the Pixies? Is Grunge alternative? Damned if I know) but Third Eye Blind was certainly not "alternative".

Now, I realize that it is silly to be offended by something like this (so I'm only a little offended) but it did strike me as an example of how the history of popular music is constantly being shifted and redefined by people who don't really care about it as an art form. "Classic Rock" radio stations have all but written out acts like The Kinks and Sly and The Family Stone and Love and The Seeds in favor of Pink Floyd (nothing against Pink Floyd, but we can all admit they were never as good as people seem to think they were. The Clear Channel computers could at least put some Syd Barrett era stuff on the radio instead of endlessly playing "Another Brick in the Wall part 2" and "Time") and fucking Steppenwolf in their playlists. I'm always intrigued by informericals for 60s music collections, where Time Life or whoever obviously couldn't afford or attain the rights to acts like Dylan or the Beatles, so bands like Strawberry Alarm Clock are presented as the shining examples of what was probably rock music's greatest decade. Call it a form of Wikiality, maybe.

Oh, and the Mitchell report is about to be released. I've seen one list purporting to be the actual roster of names to be released in the next few hours, and Chipper Jones was not on it. Beyond that, I'm mostly just curious. If guys like Clemens (who apparently will be on the list) and Pujols and Bagwell are in the actual report, I'll be a little disappointed, but I can handle it. I think the sheer number of names who used steroids will be a little surprising to a lot of people. Those who want to start tossing around asterisks like so much confetti might be very, very busy this offseason.

Okay. I just watched the Mitchell press conference and read a little bit of the enormous PDF. It turns out to be pretty boring. Most of the speculated names didn't show up (Pujols, Bagwell, Prior and so forth). Clemens seems to be pretty fucked, though.

The picture is of Cash with Nixon. Everyone's seen the pictures of Nixon with Elvis, but this one seems to be less iconic. For obvious reasons, I guess. Something about that Elvis/Nixon shot seems to sum up so much about America.